Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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