Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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