I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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