I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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