don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's rum buckets o'clock
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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