we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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