Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
