Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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