Already got asked if we're dating
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
