well I can't set my house on fire every night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
