Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
