I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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