We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
