I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
