I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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