WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
