One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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