Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
