i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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