new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
