I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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