its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
