You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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