She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
