Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
