his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
