Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
