Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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