Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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