First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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