i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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