tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Welp...herpes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
