Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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