I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
