i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
