can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize