You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
