Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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