I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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