I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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