Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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