The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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