is your mom at the bar?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
