well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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