i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
