i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
