some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sex in a hospital.. check
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
