I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
