The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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