I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
