So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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