i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
