His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
