shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
