I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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