Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
