the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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