running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize