How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
