Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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