I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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