I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
accomplished twins. life is a go
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
