Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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