Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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