whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
