you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize