Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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