This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
